This past week has been frustrating, people treating the kids like their needs are irrelevant and not considering our home education to be as important as traditional school. And when I get frustrated I tend to stim more than normal. In the middle of this my daughter had one of those lightbulb moments – “Mom you have the exact same stim as I do!”
And yes I do. And yes the realization was a massive thing for my daughter.
Now I need to say a few things, firstly we are very open in our house, we talk to the kids about the different challenges they face and how they see the world a bit differently, they also know that a lot of it they get from me and we chat about that too. They both know I share lots of the sensory issues they have (only their sensory challenges are a lot more intense). We talk about it at home because home is a safe place from them, it is where we don’t need to mask or hide. But having said that I know I mask, I mask around the kids because I am their parent and it is my responsibility to put them first, I also mask around most people when we are out and about.
But there are a handful of people where I don’t mask and my daughter is slowing realizing this for herself and not only realizing but starting to understand the why’s. With the stimming excalamtion we also had some interesting chats. “Mom I understand why I love H (her godmother) and V (a good friend of mine) so much” – me hmm why? – “You are so relaxed around them because they get you and that means they also get me”
Now I agree with her her statement they are both amazing ladies. But part of me hurts, it hurts that she is getting to that point where she understands that there are certain people who just don’t accept/understand and expect her to be “normal” – oohh I HATE that word, Normal – YUCK!!!
But part of me is rejoicing, I am rejoicing that she sees all those parts of me that she shares, she sees them and she also sees that I am still in am amazing marriage with someone who accepts everything and always stands up for me. I am rejoicing that she sees my handful of friends who accept, understand and enjoying hanging around with both of us.
And I am rejoicing that in the middle of this she also sees outsiders, like her dance teacher who never flinches when she stims in the middle of a choreographed dance but instead rushes up to me beaming from ear to ear (so much so that my daughter noticed) and grabs me and says “Look she is going first, look she is not scared.”
Yes my darling girl I stim and yes it is okay because even in this “normal world” there are people who don’t care.